How casually you break my heart

“It’s been sleep work sleep work for me. I had a girlfriend but I think it just ended recently…long story.”

How casually you break my heart. Declaring this unmistakable disregard for my feelings and the relationship we share in an electronic mail, a second out of a series you have sent me last week, a barrage of replies to my everyday letters I have never ceased to send. How distant the voice you speak to me with, as if we never shared a cup to drink with, a bed to sleep on, books to feed our minds, a love I thought was genuine.

How casually you break my heart. I choose to love so carefully, and I chose to love you because I thought you would take care of me, love. I really thought you would. For more than a year, we have encouraged each other to pursue our dreams, albeit we have to take on different roads. How sure I was that the distance would not be an issue. How many ways you went to prove it to me.

How casually you break my heart. Just like that.

I don’t know if this is what I have been preparing for these past few months of stabbing pain. I’ve been writing about loss long before you say goodbye.

So this is the beginning.

“…pain knows no
size no breadth.
It understands
no bigger no
smaller no
more no less.

All pain
blinds.
All pain
is intimate.

Have you
felt it?

It is the same
for both women
and men. The rich
feel it as much
as the poor.

Pain: who do you blame
when you feel it?

It has made everyone
the saddest person in the world.”

- Lessons from a Revolution, Ramon Sunico

~ by Miss Maybe on October 25, 2005.