Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note by Amiri Baraka (LeRoi Jones)

The year is officially starting. Well, for me, that is. I tried to delay it for a few days but I had to face reality sooner or later. I am feeling pretty optimistic, but the melancholy is there at the edges. I can feel it. But I resolve to be much stronger. Wonder, T., wonder. It exists.

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note
Amiri Baraka (LeRoi Jones)

Lately, I’ve become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus…
Things have come to that.

And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter’s room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there…
Only she on her knees, peeking into

Her own clasped hands



  1. Thank you so much for posting thi poem! –I’ve been searching –rather desperately– for it! –found it by way of those “clasped hands” at the end; I remembered something about “praying” (at least from the outside), and then I recalled that it was a poem by Le Roi Jones, and that led me to this blog, and gratitude I already expressed! (By the way, I nearly died in July 2011 when a cranial aneurysm ruptured; astonishing that I’m even alive! –and even more astonishing that I can speak!)

  2. people are amazing creatures of resilience. we get used to the most horrible, miserable heartbreaks and adapt and endure and live on. it can be sad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.