The year is officially starting. Well, for me, that is. I tried to delay it for a few days but I had to face reality sooner or later. I am feeling pretty optimistic, but the melancholy is there at the edges. I can feel it. But I resolve to be much stronger. Wonder, T., wonder. It exists.
Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note
Amiri Baraka (LeRoi Jones)
Lately, I’ve become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus…
Things have come to that.
And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.
Nobody sings anymore.
And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter’s room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there…
Only she on her knees, peeking into
Her own clasped hands