Still sick, and consoling myself with books and poems.

This Morning
Charles Simic

Enter without knocking, hard-working ant.
I’m just sitting here mulling over
What to do this dark, overcast day?
It was a night of the radio turned down low,
Fitful sleep, vague, troubling dreams.
I woke up lovesick and confused.
I thought I heard Estella in the garden singing
And some bird answering her,
But it was the rain. Dark tree tops swaying
And whispering. “Come to me my desire,”
I said. And she came to me by and by,
Her breath smelling of mint, her tongue
Wetting my cheek, and then she vanished.
Slowly day came, a gray streak of daylight
To bathe my hands and face in.
Hours passed, and then you crawled
Under the door, and stopped before me.
You visit the same tailors the mourners do,
Mr. Ant. I like the silence between us,
The quiet—that holy state even the rain
Knows about. Listen to her begin to fall,
As if with eyes closed,
Muting each drop in her wild-beating heart.

Hot fuck. Just got a C+ on my oral exams in Philosophy. Someone I shouldn’t name’s birthday in exactly a month from now. Watched a movie. Felt sad because the characters can’t go back. Or was I feeling really sad for myself? Had no plans at all to come back to school. M. went and saved me. I feel hollow inside.

Position without a Magnitude
Charles Simic

As when someone
You haven’t noticed before
Gets up in an empty theater
And projects his shadow
Among the fabulous horsemen
On the screen

And you shudder
As you realize it’s only you
On your way
To the blinding sunlight
Of the street.

In love again with a poem. Oh, oh, oh, the little things, and how they tug at my heart.

The Partial Explanation
Charles Simic

Seems like a long time
Since the waiter took my order.
Grimy little luncheonette,
The snow falling outside.

Seems like it has grown darker
Since I last heard the kitchen door
Behind my back
Since I last noticed
Anyone pass on the street.

A glass of ice-water
Keeps me company
At this table I chose myself
Upon entering.

And a longing,
Incredible longing
To eavesdrop
On the conversation
Of cooks.