Was that too much? After years of letting people come and go and take what they need here, was yesterday too much? Do I have to keep my grief even to myself because there are strangers to witness it? Messy, uncouth, devastating, vile. That’s how love is. It’s filthy. It’s ungoverned. But it also makes you feel alive. Haven’t you had a broken heart before? Haven’t you found yourself shattered completely? The heart is like a fist wrapped in blood. I never tire of saying that. Would that be too much, too?

I was too much for somebody. But I knew with my whole being that he loved me once. And this is the only space where I can love him back now. You wouldn’t understand. He said, I want your ravenous mouth. But he also said: Goodbye, I know no other way to say it. Look at my heart. Look at all the scars. Or should I turn away, too, so everybody here won’t have to see it?

This is who I am. I am hurt. And this hurting is mine. Don’t take it away from me.

“At one glance…”
Mihri Hatun

At one glance
I loved you
With a thousand hearts

They can hold against me
No sin except my love for you
Come to me
Don’t go away

Let the zealots think
Loving is sinful
Never mind
Let me burn in the hellfire
Of that sin

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